It Takes Heart

So, let me tell you all a little story. As I am winding down for the night, and contemplating how far I've come in the past few months, I know I have a ways to go, but have accomplished more than I thought.

At my heaviest, about a year and a half before my wedding in 2003, I was 295 lbs. Most people don't know that. By my wedding, I was about 250. That weight loss was a combination of wedding stresses and my unknowing plague of diabetes hard at work, and most of that weight loss came within about 8 months of my wedding. I never thought I would be smaller. I never thought I would ever have a chance at seeing my clothes in a size that wasn't 2 digits, and didn't at least start with a 2.

I could blame my slow progress on my illnesses that plague me on a daily basis, but that would be too easy. Last summer I was bound and determined to lose this weight. And I slowly began making progress. I went back to my clean eating, and before I knew it, I was in a size 18. I'll be honest. The last time I saw a size 18, I was a sophomore in high school. And for then, that was huge.

Toward the end of last year, I had done all the Jillian Michaels workouts that I could do, and finally my progress halted. Determined to not let the plateau get the best of me, I ordered a Beachbody workout, Hip Hop Abs. I ended up leaving for the states for our adoption before I could start, so I started doing Shakeology when I was in the states. I needed something that would fuel my body and give me energy as I ran ragged taking care of things, and soon, my new daughter. Shakeology was a life saver. It boosted my metabolism, gave me more energy, kept me satiated for hours, it was a god send to keep me going. And about a month before I left the states to come home to Germany, I had to go to the store to buy some size 16 shorts, because my 18's were falling off my hips. I NEVER THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAPPEN AGAIN IN MY LIFETIME. But I am so glad I was wrong.

I completed Hip Hop Abs, fell in love with it, and with Shaun T's energy, and Focus T25 came out. I was determined to keep my mojo going. So I'm doing Focus T25. I'm loving it, just like I thought I would, and for the first time in nearly 20 years, I am almost to the brink of having to go out and buy some size 14 shorts. When my size 16's start to fall off my hips, I first get frustrated that my shorts are too big, then I remember....Oh yeah, I WANT them to be too big.

See, it's all about determination, dedication, motivation, and heart. Yes, heart. I was broken last summer after some devastating news about my health. When I realized, for the first time in my life, that I am not immortal, that I am sick, and that there is not much that can be done about that. But you know what CAN be done? I can CHOOSE to make the best out of each day. I can CHOOSE to move forward in a positive motion. I can CHOOSE to keep on trying until my last breath. And I can CHOOSE to mope in the darkness or try in the light.

So I try. Every single day, I try. I try to push myself further than I did the day before in the hopes that one day I won't have to take a mound of pills three times a day. That one day, I can say that I once said I was comfortable in my size 30 jeans, but that these size 6's feel much better. That one day, for the first time in my life, I will be able to wear a bikini comfortably to the beach on a sunny summer day, with the most confidence I've ever had. I have little dreams. Dreams of doing things I've never actually experienced in my life. This year, after having done so well before I started T25, I set a goal for 20 lbs. to be gone by the end of this year. I am almost halfway there. I bounce back and forth on my weight. Sometimes because of my illnesses, and sometimes because of my lack of effort. But I am more determined now than I ever was. And I've got three months to pull it off. So I am going full force.

I always ask you guys about your goals, your dreams, your wants out of this group and being healthy. This is my temporary goal. My short term desire. My first baby step toward achieving greatness for me. I am human. I struggle, too. You help me just as much as I aim to help you. So let's do this together. No matter what your goal is, or how different it is from mine, we can do this. <3 p="">