Finding Hope in Darkness

 Many of you don't know my full medical story. It's okay. You don't have to. To fully understand me, probably. To fully understand my thrive for life, most definitely. To completely understand my gratefulness for each breath, abso-FREAKING-lutely. But I won't bore you with the details.

What I will briefly tell you is that I am plagued with a disease that will eventually take my life. Eventually, my body will not be able to handle simple tasks, and it will begin to shutdown. I had a bad period of time last summer where everything I was trying to do to keep myself healthy was not working. I completely turned my diet around. I was exercising every single day. I was on top of taking my medication. I was doing everything bright, and my doctor even told me so. Yet nothing was budging. Instead I got diagnosed with two more medical issues, for a total of four illnesses that battle against each other on a daily basis. Did I want to give up? HELL YEAH!! I cried. For DAYS. Stopped taking my medicine. Ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I stopped working out. Because I figured if I was gonna go, I was going on my terms. Then one day a friend posted a phrase about her illness that spoke to me. It said, "Maybe God gave me this disease so I could understand how important loving life is." I cried. And then I started all over again.

Many of you will never know the full struggles I face, and I pray you will never have to face them yourselves. I was in a dark place with no hope, thinking everything was lost. It took one little phrase to turn life around. So today I offer you this photo. And I pray that if you are in the depths of your darkness, and finding it hard to move on, that you fight, you keep on working, and that you find your purpose to continue. Put your hand on your heart. Do you feel that? That means you aren't dead yet. There's still hope. And if you still can't find your fight, message me. We'll work through it together. I've been there. It's dark. But I promise you, there is a light.

Time to Get Picky!

I found this on Infinite Life Fitness today as I was searching for a little Monday motivation. How many times have you told yourself that you're just getting older and your body doesn't respond like it used to? I'm sure that phrase, along with many others, have seeped through your lips on a regular basis as you continue to try to lose the weight that took you weeks, months, or years to put on. Am I right? If you're anything like me, you might even play around with your workouts, try to adapt to the newest fad diet out on the market, or even try those magic pills that everyone swears works. I've been there. I know. It's not easy. The choices you make today will affect your life tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. So what kind of choices are you going to make for YOU today?

I was that fat kid growing up that loved food. It didn't matter what you put in front of me, I would eat it. Fill my plate with three times as much food as I should be eating, and I would eat it. My small 5' 7" frame when from a large 163 lbs. in 8th grade to an obese 295 lbs. in 2000, 4 years after graduating high school. I dropped to 250 lbs. by my June wedding in 2003, 235 lbs. by June 2004, and am now at 212 lbs., moving lower and lower every week. I am plagued with 4 different medical issues that all impede my ability to lose weight in one way or another. But it is all about choices, and which ones you are willing to make for a healthier you.

In January, 2011, I read Jillian Michaels' book, Master Your Metabolism. I was SHOCKED at the information that I read, the poisons that were in the foods that I had grown to love so much. What these ingredients were doing to my body over time, and what they were hindering now. I never knew how much food would ever play a role in my life. Granted I love food, I love cooking, baking, discovering new recipes and creating my own. But I never thought that the choices I made as far as the foods I cooked with, or the ingredients I used would ever make such an impact on me or my body. So immediately after reading the book, I took her advice. I grabbed a trash bag, and I pulled everything off my shelves, out of my fridge, and from my freezer than contained any of the "bad" food items listed in her book. I resolved to eat healthier, to eat cleaner. I chose to fill my pantry, fridge, and freezer with whole foods, organic foods, natural foods, foods without the bad ingredients. That changed my life.

I am now 19 months into eating whole foods, and I am still shocked at how far I have come. While, yes, I have yo-yoed with my weight, I don't give myself a hard time when I'm eating right, and doing what I'm supposed to for my health conditions. See, it's all about perspective, and how you see things. Which brings me to the next photo that I found on Infinite Life Fitness. This image below shows portions of food that you can eat for 100 calories. How many times have we eaten the full muffin and thought it was okay? That it wouldn't affect our waistline? How many times have you thought, "Well, pretzels are healthier than chips, right?" I'm right there with you. I thought the same thing. But really, all you're getting out of those pretzels are empty carbs and calories. Where's the nutrition in the pretzels? Do they fill you up? Do they keep you filled up for a long period of time? If you say 'yes' to those last two, you're lying to yourself. In which case, you may as well stop reading and come back when you're serious. I know the truth. Previous fatty, remember?!!!

So take a look at these comparisons. As a foodie, and previous fatty, that little kid who would eat anything would go for quantity every single time. Look at how much more you get of the healthy stuff. Do you know how hard it is to actually eat all those carrots in one sitting? One of those little bags of baby carrots is a 100 calorie snack. A WHOLE BAG!!! Not half the bag, a third of the bag, or 12 carrots, the whole darn thing is a 100 calorie snack. I can't make it through a whole bag before I'm stuffed and tucking the rest away for another time. That's how filling the good stuff can be. Those are the prime things you should be choosing to eat.

That's a WHOLE apple compared to a bite size candy bar. About 2/3 of a melon compared to a bite of a muffin. Are you getting the picture yet? Are you still going to crave those pretzels, muffins, cookies, chips, and candy bars? HECK YEAH!! You are, after all, human. And it's in our nature to desire things like that. You're still going to want that ice cream cone, or fresh baked chocolate chip cookie. And every once in a while, it is A-OK to indulge in those things. Everything in moderation. But when you decide to treat yourself to that cookie, or that ice cream cone, make it a homemade one, where the ingredients are better for you. Use whole wheat flour to make that cookie, fresh ingredients to make that ice cream, and skip the cone. Remember what I said in the beginning of this article? The choices you make today will affect your life tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. So what kind of choices are you going to make for YOU today?


Go make some great decisions. Because YOU ARE WORTH IT.